Yesterday when I was walking to school I started thinking. Like really thinking. Somehow I never have time to actually think when I'm at school studying, but I never have this consciousness until my thoughts come back to me. Yesterday morning for the first time in ages my mind was actually clear. I could challenge things and ask myself questions, groping my way through the chasm of swirling knowledge that my mind has become. The voice inside my head had me so captivated that I didn't even notice my friends had become silent as we walked. The interesting part is that my thoughts weren't even that profound. I was thinking about all the places I had travelled to, and how easy it had been for me to feel the national culture. For instance, in argentina the untroubled youth thrives off the sensuality of tango and the buzz of mate. The elderly muffle their past losses in coffee shops, criticizing the youth for their even tempers. I get it. There's a national food, a national people, a national vibe. For some reason, I'm struggling to come to conclusions about greece. This country has worn so many different hats that it's nearly impossible to decipher who she really is. In ancient times, Greece obviously boasted some of the greatest thinkers of all time in a world where democracy was budding and gods roamed the seas. So there's that greece. But then there's the greece that's Byzantine, devout to orthodox christianity, denouncing the paganism of the past. And yet again, there's the greece that's Ottoman, completely multicultural, eastern, 'backward'. And of course now there's the greece that was constructed after 1832, a fantastic rendition of the 'exemplary' parts of history. But how can you pick and choose? This nation has so much history that it has purposefully erased. The split from Turkey left the people so wounded and angry that they'll reject anything Turkish and try to make everything greek. Turkish coffee is the same damn thing as greek coffee. What's the point? I feel like greece is a three year old child going through the 'mine' phase. But ironically, this process of claiming a select history, adopting a people and morphing a culture has left me feeling hollow. Who is greece really? Obviously greece has the tourist attractions, the acropolis, the islands, gyros. But I want a face to associate with this country. Just a face, that's all I ask. I can create my version of her in my mind's eye, but that's just as bad as not having one at all. I guess at this point I'm at a dead end. My perception may be the only thing to rely on. But I still have 9 days and I'm determined. I'm going to discover what is really, truly, inherently Greek. It can't be a conscious decision. I have to feel it. It has to come from within me. I know it'll hit me eventually, probably more like a brick to the face than a feather on the cheek.

I'm ready. Bring it.